For the last few years White Ribbon UK has gone quiet on International Women’s Day. This is to ensure that as an organisation we are listening to the voices of women and we have asked all men to do the same. There is much that requires careful listening.

Throughout February, in memory of Sarah Henshaw, 18 White Ribbon fundraisers have been braving the cold and stormy weather, and working towards their challenge of running, walking, jogging, cycling or swimming 40 miles each to raise money, and awareness of, White Ribbon UK.

Today, Friday, the man guilty of the murder of Grace Millane, in New Zealand in December 2018, has finally been sentenced to life.

So-called ‘honour’-based violence (HBV) is a form of domestic abuse which revolves around the concept of dishonour. Victims of HBV are usually targeted because they are perceived to bring some sort of shame or dishonour to the perpetrator (most often a partner or close family member) and their community.

I first became involved with White Ribbon UK in May 2019 following the murder of my closest friend Sarah, whose life was brutally taken in the February. Sarah was a bright, caring and beautiful friend, she cared about everyone, she worked as a Social Worker and was exceptional in all she did. Sarah worked tirelessly to improve the lives of the children she worked with.

The figures surrounding domestic violence and abuse make for depressing reading. They serve to highlight the inherent inequalities between men and women, with men overwhelmingly responsible for violence towards their spouses and partners, and women overwhelmingly the victims of it.

Once you have been given an awareness of the gendered nature of violence in society – in the sense that the vast majority of it is enacted by men – it is something which is difficult to unsee. It starts to become clear that different cases and different forms of violence are actually frequently interconnected, even if they may take place in very different contexts. Newspaper headline after headline starts to tell a specific story, and it is not one of ‘isolated incidents’. They tell a story of attempts to assert, or reclaim, masculine power and control – be that against women, other men, children, animals, the environment…even against ourselves, in terms of the range of self-destructive behaviours that our inability to meet unattainable standards of masculinity can feed into.

Violence against women aged 60 and over is an overlooked issue. Despite several decades of research and activism which has raised awareness of the widespread prevalence of violence against women and girls, and contributed to successive legal and policy reforms, older women have been neglected in these developments.

With young people aged 16-25 being the age demographic most likely to experience domestic abuse and sexual violence, it’s no surprise that educating the next generation should be a high priority on everyone’s to-do list.

There’s a fashion today to reach for alternative facts when the truth is inconvenient.  Where we succumb to this, we lose a grip on reality and have an excuse not to act. So let’s not do that.

In addition to being a White Ribbon Ambassador, Chris Lloyd is a Senior Lecturer in Law in the School of Law at Oxford Brookes University. Chris researches into, publishes on, and teaches Criminal Law and Criminal Justice, with a particular focus on sexual offences viewed through the lens of post-structural and feminist theory. He has published in journals such as Law Text Culture, the Australian Feminist Law Journal, Social and Legal Studies, Information & Communications Technology Law, and Feminist Legal Studies.

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Steve Garrett is a Cardiff (Wales)-based social entrepreneur, writer, poet and musician (aka ‘Stainless Steve’) who has a long-standing interest in men’s issues. He runs a men’s group in Cardiff; and, as well as being a White Ribbon Ambassador, is involved with the Good Lad Initiative https://www.goodladinitiative.com.

Sixteen years ago, in 2002, I was the victim of a violent attack at the hands of my ex-husband. In support of the White Ribbon Day #IfLoveHurts campaign, I’m sharing my story.